What happens when Bumblebee runs out of ammo:

Human Alliance Bumblebee is freaking awesome
Read the review of him at OAFE to see why.

GI Joe Rise of Cobra- 5 most notable figures that I have thus far

So, I've decided to review five of these new ROC figures in a bunch. I feel each one is worth mentioning for one reason or another, whether it's because of the character, the figures itself, or a combination thereof.

FIRST! Everyone's favorite ninja, and hands down the most popular Joe, Snake-Eyes:
And Snake-Eyes shows that it's bloody hard to photograph a completely black figure. You might not be able to tell from the picture, but he has a fully sculpted, detailed chest. As if he were wearing spandex. He also has baggy combat pants. This combination has caused some people to think that his legs are too small, but he's likely wearing armor that looks like his chest. His headsculpt has been causing quite a few fanboy complaints. Because he has lips on his mask. BOO. HOO. Does that REALLY matter? Under his visor (which is a translucent separate, non-removable piece for some reason) he has a fully sculpted face. Which is weird. He's, of course, pretty much completely black, but what paint there is is crisp and well done, particularly the Arashikage (Uh-rash-ee-kog-ay) symbol on his shoulder. He comes with an Uzi, sword (His webgear has a clip to hold his sword!), and a backpack, that I've left off my figure. It just got in the way. Not as much as some of the others, but he definitely the essential Snake-Eyes stuff. He also has a holster on his webgear, but the pistol in it is a sculpted part of the holster. WTF, Hasbro?

You can't have Snake-Eyes without his arch nemesis and Sword Brother, Storm Shadow (Which is a direct English translation of Arashikage), the Cobra ninja:
Storm Shadow is also causing a lot of whining, mainly because of his long coat and shoes that appear to be canvas hi-tops (Think Converse Chuck Taylors). Really? REALLY? Oh well, fanboys live to complain. Personally, I dig the coat, and I'm not bothered by his shoes. His coat his a nice, fine texture, and while the tails are a bit restricting, they're a separate, soft piece so they'll move out of the way of his legs. Again, the paint is well done on both the figure and his swords. Along with his katana (long sword) and wakizashi (short sword), both of which have the Arashikage ninja clan symbol, Storm Shadow comes with a small pistol that fits in a holster on his coat tail, and a clip on Wolverine claw thing that a few classic Storm Shadow's have carried in the past.

And now for something completely similar, Snake-Eyes... again. But this time he has Timber! And is in Paris, apparently:
This is the "Paris Pursuit" or "Trenchcoat" Snake-Eyes. I was rather excited about this figure, as it's a cool, new look. This time 's hearing loose clothes all over, plus the obvious coat, and a more traditional face mask (No face, better visor). He's mostly gray on this figure, with various details painted on. He actually doesn't share any parts with the normal Snake-Eyes, though you can switch their heads if you want. But I'd recommend not doing that, as this is an awesome figure. He's got an assault rifle of some sort, pistol, knife (Take from the first G3 SE) a sword, WITH scabbard, and his pet wolf, Timber! Yes, I am aware that the picture of Timber sucks. Timber uses the second G3 sculpt, first released in the recent GI Joe 5-pack (Which I have). If you only want to get one ROC Snake-eyes, this is it. He's different, but awesome in every way.

Next is a figure that made me angry (And I can usually take change, so that's saying a lot), Cobra Commander:
Hurm. The early pictures of this guy were pretty bad. His sleeves didn't match his coat, his face was horrible, he had tubes coming out of his chest, etc. But, now that I have the figure in hand, I like him more than I thought I would. First off, his sleeves and coat are the same color. His coat is rather nicely textured, and I love that the inside lining is Cobra Blue. the bottom half of his mask is painted silver to look like metal, and he looks disfigured underneath it. They also got rid of the stupid tubes (Though there's still ports on his head and chest for them). The paint is good, though the wash on his coat is spotty and odd. He comes with a cobra, some sort of injector thing, something I think is either a walkie-talkie or remote (The injector and walkie talkie thing can plug into ports on his thighs), and a gun that looks just like the original Cobra Commander's! While the figure surprised me, I still don't really like what he looks like. I won't mind it as much now, but I still wish they had gone with the old hood, whether it looks too KKK-ish or not. He's an evil terrorist leader dammit! Do you REALLY think the NAACP or Jesse Jackson will complain because the despicable EVIL TERRORIST looks almost kind of sort of like a Klansmen?!

Finally, my all time favorite Joe, Shipwreck!:
Unfortunately, ol' Hector Delgado and Polly, probably won't be in the movie. We at least get a toy of him though. And it's a damned awesome toy! He's wearing the "Reactive Armor" a lot of the Joes seem to have, and combat pants. On him, the armor looks like a wet-suit and the blue camo on his pants works for a sailor.His face is perfect Shipwreck, with the beard and hat (Though it's not a sailor hat this time), and it has a lot of character. He comes with a wealth of great accessories, foremost amongst which is his parrot, Polly. In the 80's Polly was always poking fun at Shipwreck, creating some great moments in the cartoon. For weapons he has a gun that looks like similar to the FN 2000, but with a harpoon on top, a pistol, and a large knife. Finally, he has some very nice scuba gear consisting of a backpack with air tanks (Polly can stand on the pack), a mask with tubes that slips over his head, and a pair of flippers that can store on his backpack. Very nice stuff, complementing a great figure.

All these figures has the standard modern Joe articulation. Balljointed head (Though it's rather tight, almost acting like a swivel joint on a lot of movie figures), pin-swivel shoulders, elbows, and ankles, swivel wrists, balljoint torso, true balljoint hips, and double knees, so they're superbly posable. They all also have figure stands, though these are very different from the G3 stands. Finally, on each cardback is a file card, though they now look like some sort of ID card/security pass.

Overall, the figures are well done, and good toys. Hopefull the movie will live up to them.

COOO-BRAAAAAAAAA!

~Raw/Monty

Thoughts on the upcoming GI Joe movie, and the burden of being a nerd.

As you guys almost certainly know, the live action GI Joe movie, GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra, is coming out next month (August 7th, to be exact). Obviously, as this movie is, just like the Transformers films, based off an 80's toy property, there are new action figures (Which you can now find in stores)! As a toy collector and GI Joe fan, I have already bought a number of these figures (Yo Go Re of OAFE has suggested waiting until they go on sale, but every time I do that, I can't find what I want). Now, my hope for the film has dropped considerably in the past few months, but we haven't gotten any new Joes in months, and these new ones are rather good, and I'm not about to pass on good toys.

So, what exactly do I think so far of the movie? Well, I already have some problems. Now, I should mention I don't care that Snake Eyes has lips, Ripcord is black, Storm Shadow is wearing a coat, or any of that stuff. It either doesn't matter, or, in Storm Shadow's case, is something I like.

But then there are things like the Accelerator Suits. While I wouldn't be surprised to see some sort of power armor in the old cartoon, it would show up once to help sell the toy, then maybe appear every once in a while as long as the toy is on shelves. But in the movie they appear to be much too prevalent. Of course, this is just going off the trailers, so it's entirely possible that they appear in one scene which has gotten more attention in the trailers than the other scenes. Hopefully, this is the case, but, and again, I'm going off the trailers for this, it doesn't appear to be.

Next are the Cobra vipers. Seriously? In stead of the old Cobra Troopers, we get these ugly guys? The old Blueshirts were great. They looked like actual members of a paramilitary force, had the great helmet/half mask combo concealing their identities, and looked very distinctive amongst the various villainous henchmen of pop culture. The new Vipers have none of that, instead looking more like generic sci-fi bad guys. And while the old Real American Hero version of Cobra had Vipers, the only thing they have in common with the movie guys is the name and full face masks. Oh, and maybe the elbow pads.

Cobra Commander. Goddammit. GOD. DAMMIT. LOOK AT THAT THEY DID TO HIS FACE! WHY?! The only reason I can possibly think of for doing that is to make him look creepy. What a featureless metal mask isn't creepy? Or, you know what's would be really creepy? Cobra Commmander's fucking executioner style cloth mask. Also, from what I've read on Joepedia, ROC Cobra Commander's origin is as follows: He fought alongside Duke and Ripcord, but was injured in an ambush. Duke and Ripcord were rescued by the Joe team (After this they joined the team) while Cobra Commander, real name Rex Lewis, was left behind. He then went nuts, becoming first "The Doctor" then Cobra Commander. Oh, and the Baroness is really his sister, Ana Lewis. And she was engaged to Duke. This means three things. 1. They're not using Larry Hama's great origins for Cobra and Cobra Commander from the comics. Any Joe fan will tell you that you should always use stuff from Larry Hama. 2. We know Cobra Commander's real name. And 3. We see his face. It could be worse I guess. He could be a snake man.

There are various other elements I fear will be left out. Will the connection between Snake-Eyes and Storm Shadow, which has been hinted at on their toy file cards, be a plot point? Will Snake-Eyes and Scarlett be an item, or will the movie be like Resolute and have Duke and Scarlett together (The only thing I disliked about Resolute). And so on. Speaking of Resolute, I think many people hoped the movie would be serious like Resolute but instead, it looks like we're getting a heaping helping of 80's goofiness.

However, despite all this, I'm still going to see the movie. I'll be at the midnight showing even. I'm not like those RotF haters who won't even see the fucking movie before hating on it. Besides, there are some things I'm still hopeful for. Ray Park as Snake-Eyes, for example. As long as he can emotes effectively as a silent character, there's really no way that can turn out bad. And who knows. Maybe the film will surprise me. Basically, I'm going to see it, and keep an open mind.

Finally, there's what I said in the title about the burden of being a nerd. You see, to the average movie goer none of what I've said here matters. They don't know enough about GI Joe to care. Even if they watched it as a kid, it's doubtful they remember enough. But as nerds (Or, if you prefer, geeks) we know all about this stuff, and we've kept up with it much longer than most people. Much longer than is healthy, some might say. So to us, it does matter, and it could make the film less enjoyable.

Anyways, I'll review some of my new figures soon.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen MOVIE REVIEW!

Okay, first off, I know that many of you have not seen this movie yet for various reasons. So, here's what I'm going to do. First up, I'll have a basic review. Technical stuff, my overall opinion, non spoilerific things. Then, after ample warning and a bit of a gap, I'll talk about anything with spoilers. If you haven't seen RotF, skip that stuff, AND GO SEE IT RIGHT AWAY.

It all started upon my arrival in the theater. There were so many people there, I had to wait until the 12:11 showing, instead of 12:01. There were other showings as well. They all pretty much sold out. So, I walk in, with my chili cheese nachos and Coke float, and I was surprised to find that they had put in leather seats! Comfy! Then I discovered that a good friend of mine was there as well. I didn't even know he was in town. Finally, before I get on with talking about the movie, during the trailers there was a Twilight preview, and I yelled out something along the lines of "VAMPIRES DON'T FUCKING SPARKLE!", causing the young woman in front of me to turn around and glare at me. All this meant I was in a jolly mood, and felt that my $9.50 was already well spent.

Okay, here's the shit you actually want to read.

Now, the movie hasn't done well with the "professional" critics, at least according to Rotten Tomatoes. But here's a secret. "Pro" critics are dumbasses when it comes to this sort of movie. They don't want robots beating the holy shit out of each other. They want giant robots talking about their feelings, or some shit like that. No, this movie isn't for them. It's for us. The normal people. The nerds. The TransFans.

So, how does it do? Well, I'll start with the looks of the movie. Visual effects are Michael Bay's trademark. And they're just as great, if not better, than the first movie. The robots looked real, the fights were epic, and there were explosions. Lots and lots of explosions. The camera work was Bay's usual style. Always moving, with something always happening in front of them. I've always liked this, but it did get a bit dizzying at one point, as it spun and spun and spun around Sam and Mikaela.

Speaking of them, they were both much better in this one. Not only has Megan Fox's acting improved (Making me somehow want to look at here even more!), but their characters were more fleshed out. All the humans were, Sam's parents, Leo, Sam's roommate, Epps and Lennox, even... Well, that's a spoiler, so you'll have to wait. It was the same with most of the robots. All of the returning characters had much more personality. Megatron was VERY evil and cunning. Starscream was a treacherous coward. Optimus was, well, Optimus. And so on. Except for Ratchet. Seriously,. he got shafted. I think he maybe got one line, and he was completely absent for the first part of the movie. Even when... Oops, almost said another spoiler. The new bots were kinda half and half. Other than The Fallen, most of the new 'Cons were just there. The Constructicons were almost drone like, and Devastator was more or less an animal, though he's really always been that way. Sideways didn't even get a chance. Amongst the 'Bots, Sideswipe showed some character, but not much. The Twins, however, got a lot of focus. I thought they would be annoying, but they were hilarious.Then there's Jetfire and Wheelie, who aren't really in a faction. They were both enjoyable. Jetfire was funny, and I rather liked him. He was, of course, old, and falling apart. Wheelie was, incredibly surprisingly, NOT ANNOYING! He didn't rhyme once! I actually liked him! WTF?!

Finally, the story. I t was much deeper this time. The story was entertaining and engaging. The writing and actors went together great. I felt for the characters. I shared their hope. Their despair. Why the fuck am I getting so deep here? Just still amped up, I guess. Anyways, throughout most of the movie, I was leaning forward in my seat.

Overall, I loved it. I'll probably see it again tomorrow.

SPOILER ALERT. AFTER THE FOLLOWING GAP, THERE ARE SPOILERS. DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING SECTION UNLESS YOU HAVE SEEN THE MOVIE.














SPOILER ALERT. THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS SPOILERS.

Okay. The whole movie was FILLED with Transformers references. Optimus actually died, in an epic fight with Megatron, near the beginning of the movie. Just like in '86. BUT! He was brought back! Again, just like... every other time an Optimus has died. Guess what brought him back? THE SLAGGING MATRIX OF LEADERSHIP. FUCK. YES. It only shared a passing physical resemblance to the G1 Matrix, but it functioned similarly. At one point after Sam temporarily died, he actually had visions of long gone Cybertronian leaders, within the MAtrix. There was also some references to the idea of a group of original Transformers (The aforementioned dead leaders). However, this time it was 7, not 13 or one.

Energon played a major role. It was actually the entire reason the Fallen and other 'Cons were on Earth. Basically, it was the power within the AllSpark, and could be created by devouring the power of a sun with a special machine, activated by the Matrix. The Fallen wasnted to use this on a world with life, which is why he broke off from the other Primes (Those old leaders), becoming The Fallen.

Ravage, he was perfect. Not only were his weapon on his hips, but he was used to infiltrate a human base. He generally spyed on everyone, like Ravage has always done. He had a good death, being torn in half by 'Bee (Wgo I love even more after what he did to get rid of "Alice"). Soundwave though, I was kind of disappointed with. His voice lacked a lot of the magic, I liked it, but it was too deep, and lacked the musical quality of G1. And he never converted into robot mode. What the fuck is up with that?

Lastly, a few incidentals. Simmons (The main Sector 7 agent from the first movie) returned, but this time he was a hero. John Turturro was just as quirky and funny as before. The weird Decepticon infiltrator/Terminator like... thing named "Alice" was fucking nightmare fuel. Soooo creepy. Same with "The Doctor". The appliance bots given life by the AllSpark shard were a nice bit. Finally, repaints definitely exist in the movie universe. A lot of 'Cons shared body types, even with guys from the first movie.

END OF SPOILERS.














THE SPOILERS ARE OVER. YOU MAY RESUME READING IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE MOVIE.

So, my final conclusion is this: If you dislike this film, you suck. You're not a real TransFan. There were plenty of G1 references, and every complaint I've heard about the first movie was fixed. You just need to accept change. If you can accept change, and you're a TransFan, go see the movie right away. If you want an enjoyable 3 hours, go see it.

Basically, if you're alive, go see it.

Geust review! Hulk Vs., by Darth Shadow

Hey! We've already got our first guest review! This is by my friend, Darth Shadow.

Everything after this is by him, not me:

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HULK VS. is truely a movie of epic proportions. Well, actually, make that two movies of epic proportions. HULK VS. comes with HULK VS. WOLVERINE, and HULK VS. THOR. In HULK VS. WOLVERINE, Wolverine is sent out to put an end to the Hulk's rampage in Canada. However, both Hulk and Wolverine are captured by Weapons X, so that they could control the Hulk and turn him into the ultimate weapon. HULK VS. WOLVERINE starts off in the middle of the action, but to me, it seemed as if it was more about Logan than Banner. But it's still a good movie, and I'm not saying that just because one of my favorite Marvel characters is in it. I got a few laughs when Hulk sent Sabertooth flying. In HULK VS. THOR, Odin goes into the Odin Sleep (a state when Odin falls asleep for a week), and Asgard is attacked by the forces of evil (stop the fucking presses). However, on the last day of the Odin Sleep, Loki gets the idea to summon the Hulk to Asgard to combat Thor. The first part of the movie has the big green guy controlled by Loki, which in my opinion, wasn't as great as just seeing the Hulk beat the shit out of someone (he did, but he was being controlled by the ancient Norse god of trickery). The next part, though, is when Loki and Enchantress lose control of Hulk. And in order for Loki to control the Hulk, he had to separate the Hulk side from the Bruce Banner side. Which means an unrestrained Hulk is now kicking the ass of anyone in his way, which means that everyone in Asgard, good and evil, must fight against the Hulk and try to reunite the Hulk with the soul of Bruce Banner. Ultimately, these movies are something I would highly recommend to anyone that loves to see an epic Marvel animated movie. Or to anyone that likes seeing two powerful superheroes beat the living shit out of each other.

FINAL ANALYSIS:
9.5/10

Freelancer Agent Darth_Shadow, out.

HULK SMASH!!!!!!!

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Annndd... I'm back! Pretty good review, of a great movie. Personally, I thought that Deadpool stole the show in Hulk Vs. Wolverine. Also, Hulk Vs. Thor was my favorite bit. I'm just a big Thor fan, and, luckily, Thor: Son of Asgard will be the next Marvel Animated movie!

~Raw/Monty