Thoughts on the upcoming GI Joe movie, and the burden of being a nerd.

As you guys almost certainly know, the live action GI Joe movie, GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra, is coming out next month (August 7th, to be exact). Obviously, as this movie is, just like the Transformers films, based off an 80's toy property, there are new action figures (Which you can now find in stores)! As a toy collector and GI Joe fan, I have already bought a number of these figures (Yo Go Re of OAFE has suggested waiting until they go on sale, but every time I do that, I can't find what I want). Now, my hope for the film has dropped considerably in the past few months, but we haven't gotten any new Joes in months, and these new ones are rather good, and I'm not about to pass on good toys.

So, what exactly do I think so far of the movie? Well, I already have some problems. Now, I should mention I don't care that Snake Eyes has lips, Ripcord is black, Storm Shadow is wearing a coat, or any of that stuff. It either doesn't matter, or, in Storm Shadow's case, is something I like.

But then there are things like the Accelerator Suits. While I wouldn't be surprised to see some sort of power armor in the old cartoon, it would show up once to help sell the toy, then maybe appear every once in a while as long as the toy is on shelves. But in the movie they appear to be much too prevalent. Of course, this is just going off the trailers, so it's entirely possible that they appear in one scene which has gotten more attention in the trailers than the other scenes. Hopefully, this is the case, but, and again, I'm going off the trailers for this, it doesn't appear to be.

Next are the Cobra vipers. Seriously? In stead of the old Cobra Troopers, we get these ugly guys? The old Blueshirts were great. They looked like actual members of a paramilitary force, had the great helmet/half mask combo concealing their identities, and looked very distinctive amongst the various villainous henchmen of pop culture. The new Vipers have none of that, instead looking more like generic sci-fi bad guys. And while the old Real American Hero version of Cobra had Vipers, the only thing they have in common with the movie guys is the name and full face masks. Oh, and maybe the elbow pads.

Cobra Commander. Goddammit. GOD. DAMMIT. LOOK AT THAT THEY DID TO HIS FACE! WHY?! The only reason I can possibly think of for doing that is to make him look creepy. What a featureless metal mask isn't creepy? Or, you know what's would be really creepy? Cobra Commmander's fucking executioner style cloth mask. Also, from what I've read on Joepedia, ROC Cobra Commander's origin is as follows: He fought alongside Duke and Ripcord, but was injured in an ambush. Duke and Ripcord were rescued by the Joe team (After this they joined the team) while Cobra Commander, real name Rex Lewis, was left behind. He then went nuts, becoming first "The Doctor" then Cobra Commander. Oh, and the Baroness is really his sister, Ana Lewis. And she was engaged to Duke. This means three things. 1. They're not using Larry Hama's great origins for Cobra and Cobra Commander from the comics. Any Joe fan will tell you that you should always use stuff from Larry Hama. 2. We know Cobra Commander's real name. And 3. We see his face. It could be worse I guess. He could be a snake man.

There are various other elements I fear will be left out. Will the connection between Snake-Eyes and Storm Shadow, which has been hinted at on their toy file cards, be a plot point? Will Snake-Eyes and Scarlett be an item, or will the movie be like Resolute and have Duke and Scarlett together (The only thing I disliked about Resolute). And so on. Speaking of Resolute, I think many people hoped the movie would be serious like Resolute but instead, it looks like we're getting a heaping helping of 80's goofiness.

However, despite all this, I'm still going to see the movie. I'll be at the midnight showing even. I'm not like those RotF haters who won't even see the fucking movie before hating on it. Besides, there are some things I'm still hopeful for. Ray Park as Snake-Eyes, for example. As long as he can emotes effectively as a silent character, there's really no way that can turn out bad. And who knows. Maybe the film will surprise me. Basically, I'm going to see it, and keep an open mind.

Finally, there's what I said in the title about the burden of being a nerd. You see, to the average movie goer none of what I've said here matters. They don't know enough about GI Joe to care. Even if they watched it as a kid, it's doubtful they remember enough. But as nerds (Or, if you prefer, geeks) we know all about this stuff, and we've kept up with it much longer than most people. Much longer than is healthy, some might say. So to us, it does matter, and it could make the film less enjoyable.

Anyways, I'll review some of my new figures soon.

Taste the Revenge!

So, I've already talked about the RotF M&Ms packages, but there's more RotF candy! And this stuff has more than just new packaging!

First off, the Transformers/Bumblebee Snickers bar.

It says something about some sort of yellow nougat. On the other side of the package it has a fact about RotF, and one about Snickers.

So, what's the difference between this, and a normal Snickers bar? Well bit into it and see...

It says yellow nougat, and that's all you get. Nothing tastesdifferent. It's just a slightly different color.

Wee.

NEXT!
Strawberried Peanut Butter M&Ms.

The packaging stands out from the normal M&Ms, with it's silver color. The M&Ms versions of the Twins are alright. Really, it's just M&Ms packaging. Not much to talk about.
The M&Ms themselves taste pretty good, in my opinion. Too sweet though. I know some people have disliked them though. I'd say give them a try anyways.

The only food tie-in left is the Burger King BBQ Double Stackticon, and I'll probably skip that one. I'm not big on burgers, especially fast food ones. But, If I do try it, rest assured, I'll talk about it and take pictures and stuff.

BIONICLE Tarix Review

I actually meant to do this review a while back, buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut.....


Anyway, here's the review (and Tarix):

Tarix is a Glatorian from the Water Tribe on Bara Magna. In the arena, he's quite the warrior. The only thing that can beat him is a Skrall warrior, because they are made of pure awesomeness.

That's right, Tarix is a dude. Don't make the same mistake that the Pahrak made.

Anyway, his armor is pretty cool looking. Has something of a ceremonial feel when it comes to the shoulder pieces.

His mask, or helmet (hell, I have no idea what these things are now, seeing how they don't have any cool abilities any more) has what appears to be a tube connected to the helmet/mask and his back.

He also has two hydro swords that look cool. But not as cool as the Skrall sword, of course. But still somewhat cool.

And then there's the Thornax launcher. Like the Skrall Thornax launcher, Tarix's launcher is attached to one of his weapons. However, Tarix's launcher is more mobile than the Skrall launcher. And occasionally, accidents do happen...

And finally the Life Counter. This time, it's on his back, unlike the Skrall, who has it on his foot.

HIS PRIMUS-DAMN FOOT. This means it's not in the way.

Wow. Holy crap, what the hell happened there? How in the hell did I mess that photo up?

Anyway, Tarix is an OK set to buy. But to tell the truth, he wasn't my first choice. At first, I wanted to get a Vorox to accompany my Skrall, but it seems as if someone FUCKING OPENED THE SET AND STOLE MOST OF THE PIECES AND THE INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO BUILD THE FUCKER. So then I exchanged him for Malum. This time I checked and it wasn't opened. But pieces were still missing somehow. So I exchanged Malum for Tarix, because it was either him, or Gresh. And Gresh is an asshole.

Oh well, see guys later.

Oh yeah, be sure to check out my new comic, Akra Nui. You can find the link below.

http://akranui.blogspot.com/

Happy 4th of July!

If you're one of my non-American friends, happy Saturday!

Ravage is stalking my mouse.

Get it? He's stalking my MOUSE!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Shut up, there are worse puns.

Seriosuly though, RotF Ravage is awesome. Expect a review.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen MOVIE REVIEW!

Okay, first off, I know that many of you have not seen this movie yet for various reasons. So, here's what I'm going to do. First up, I'll have a basic review. Technical stuff, my overall opinion, non spoilerific things. Then, after ample warning and a bit of a gap, I'll talk about anything with spoilers. If you haven't seen RotF, skip that stuff, AND GO SEE IT RIGHT AWAY.

It all started upon my arrival in the theater. There were so many people there, I had to wait until the 12:11 showing, instead of 12:01. There were other showings as well. They all pretty much sold out. So, I walk in, with my chili cheese nachos and Coke float, and I was surprised to find that they had put in leather seats! Comfy! Then I discovered that a good friend of mine was there as well. I didn't even know he was in town. Finally, before I get on with talking about the movie, during the trailers there was a Twilight preview, and I yelled out something along the lines of "VAMPIRES DON'T FUCKING SPARKLE!", causing the young woman in front of me to turn around and glare at me. All this meant I was in a jolly mood, and felt that my $9.50 was already well spent.

Okay, here's the shit you actually want to read.

Now, the movie hasn't done well with the "professional" critics, at least according to Rotten Tomatoes. But here's a secret. "Pro" critics are dumbasses when it comes to this sort of movie. They don't want robots beating the holy shit out of each other. They want giant robots talking about their feelings, or some shit like that. No, this movie isn't for them. It's for us. The normal people. The nerds. The TransFans.

So, how does it do? Well, I'll start with the looks of the movie. Visual effects are Michael Bay's trademark. And they're just as great, if not better, than the first movie. The robots looked real, the fights were epic, and there were explosions. Lots and lots of explosions. The camera work was Bay's usual style. Always moving, with something always happening in front of them. I've always liked this, but it did get a bit dizzying at one point, as it spun and spun and spun around Sam and Mikaela.

Speaking of them, they were both much better in this one. Not only has Megan Fox's acting improved (Making me somehow want to look at here even more!), but their characters were more fleshed out. All the humans were, Sam's parents, Leo, Sam's roommate, Epps and Lennox, even... Well, that's a spoiler, so you'll have to wait. It was the same with most of the robots. All of the returning characters had much more personality. Megatron was VERY evil and cunning. Starscream was a treacherous coward. Optimus was, well, Optimus. And so on. Except for Ratchet. Seriously,. he got shafted. I think he maybe got one line, and he was completely absent for the first part of the movie. Even when... Oops, almost said another spoiler. The new bots were kinda half and half. Other than The Fallen, most of the new 'Cons were just there. The Constructicons were almost drone like, and Devastator was more or less an animal, though he's really always been that way. Sideways didn't even get a chance. Amongst the 'Bots, Sideswipe showed some character, but not much. The Twins, however, got a lot of focus. I thought they would be annoying, but they were hilarious.Then there's Jetfire and Wheelie, who aren't really in a faction. They were both enjoyable. Jetfire was funny, and I rather liked him. He was, of course, old, and falling apart. Wheelie was, incredibly surprisingly, NOT ANNOYING! He didn't rhyme once! I actually liked him! WTF?!

Finally, the story. I t was much deeper this time. The story was entertaining and engaging. The writing and actors went together great. I felt for the characters. I shared their hope. Their despair. Why the fuck am I getting so deep here? Just still amped up, I guess. Anyways, throughout most of the movie, I was leaning forward in my seat.

Overall, I loved it. I'll probably see it again tomorrow.

SPOILER ALERT. AFTER THE FOLLOWING GAP, THERE ARE SPOILERS. DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING SECTION UNLESS YOU HAVE SEEN THE MOVIE.














SPOILER ALERT. THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS SPOILERS.

Okay. The whole movie was FILLED with Transformers references. Optimus actually died, in an epic fight with Megatron, near the beginning of the movie. Just like in '86. BUT! He was brought back! Again, just like... every other time an Optimus has died. Guess what brought him back? THE SLAGGING MATRIX OF LEADERSHIP. FUCK. YES. It only shared a passing physical resemblance to the G1 Matrix, but it functioned similarly. At one point after Sam temporarily died, he actually had visions of long gone Cybertronian leaders, within the MAtrix. There was also some references to the idea of a group of original Transformers (The aforementioned dead leaders). However, this time it was 7, not 13 or one.

Energon played a major role. It was actually the entire reason the Fallen and other 'Cons were on Earth. Basically, it was the power within the AllSpark, and could be created by devouring the power of a sun with a special machine, activated by the Matrix. The Fallen wasnted to use this on a world with life, which is why he broke off from the other Primes (Those old leaders), becoming The Fallen.

Ravage, he was perfect. Not only were his weapon on his hips, but he was used to infiltrate a human base. He generally spyed on everyone, like Ravage has always done. He had a good death, being torn in half by 'Bee (Wgo I love even more after what he did to get rid of "Alice"). Soundwave though, I was kind of disappointed with. His voice lacked a lot of the magic, I liked it, but it was too deep, and lacked the musical quality of G1. And he never converted into robot mode. What the fuck is up with that?

Lastly, a few incidentals. Simmons (The main Sector 7 agent from the first movie) returned, but this time he was a hero. John Turturro was just as quirky and funny as before. The weird Decepticon infiltrator/Terminator like... thing named "Alice" was fucking nightmare fuel. Soooo creepy. Same with "The Doctor". The appliance bots given life by the AllSpark shard were a nice bit. Finally, repaints definitely exist in the movie universe. A lot of 'Cons shared body types, even with guys from the first movie.

END OF SPOILERS.














THE SPOILERS ARE OVER. YOU MAY RESUME READING IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE MOVIE.

So, my final conclusion is this: If you dislike this film, you suck. You're not a real TransFan. There were plenty of G1 references, and every complaint I've heard about the first movie was fixed. You just need to accept change. If you can accept change, and you're a TransFan, go see the movie right away. If you want an enjoyable 3 hours, go see it.

Basically, if you're alive, go see it.

Transformers Revenge of the Fallen Soundwave

Ahh, Soundwave. In G1 many of his fans (AKA everyone who watched Transformers) loved him partly for his voice. That oddly musical electronic hum. It was soothing, and yet epically awesome. This, and his all around coolness, made him a fan favorite (As proof, he was chosen ina poll on Rooster Teeth.com as my first RotF review He won unanimously). And now he's in the new movie! WITH THE SAME VOICE ACTOR (Frank Welker) THAT HE HAD IN G1!

WOOOOOOO!

And, thus, we get a toy of him.

In G1 Soundwave was a mini-cassette tape recorder. Not a tape player like everyone thinks. M'kay? This has made him particularly hard to update. No one uses cassettes anymore. Plus, he went from a tiny alt mode to a big-ass robot through a process known as "Mass Shifting" (Megatron also used it, as he turned into a gun), which Hastak has been phasing out recently. However, the movie makers had a great idea. Let's make him a communications satellite! It has the same sort of communications based function as G1 Soundwave, and it references his ability (At least in the comics. I don't know if he used this in the cartoon) to read the minds of other Cybertronians. His satellite mode looks nice, and the various parts fit together well without many visible breaks where his body parts fit together. The translucent blue plastic is nicely distributed, and parts of those panel things on him look like solar cells.
BUT WAIT! There's more! Sort of.

You can rearrange bits of his alt mode (The panels on the back, side wings, and spiky things on the side) to make a spaceship "mode" that looks a hell of a lot like his satellite mode. This is somehow enough for Hasbro to call him a Triple Changer (Despite the movie makers not wanting to introduce Triple Changers until the next movie. It's always supposed to be Combiners THEN Triple Changers guy! Well, other than Animated...), but he's really more of a "Two-and-a-half Changer". So, yeah.

Converting him to robot mode is moderately easy. About what you would expect from a Deluxe. He has the typical movie details all over the place. His face is awesome. In G1 the Decepticon symbol was actually a stylized version of Soundwave's head (Some Transfans believe he was originally going to be the 'Con leader, while Prowl would have been the Autobot leader, as their symbol looked like him) and RotF Soundwave's face looks like the 'Con symbol. He's still got the visor eyes, crest, and pointy bits, but it's more angular and inhuman, like the other movie 'Cons. His paint is nice. Though he's mostly gray, he's got a bit of blue, evoking his G1 paint, and the translucent blue bits are still great.

He moves at the neck, shoulders, and hips (Balljoints), knees and double elbows (Hinges), and biceps, ankles, and toes (Swivels). His various flaps and stuff are also jointed, so you can pose them how you like. His elbows are odd though. Due to his transformation, when you put his arms down naturally, with his fists sideways, his elbows bend inward. He has bicep swivels so you can bend his arms normally, but wrist joints would have helped.

His only accessory is a missile. It's supposed to be shaped like Ravage's "Entry mode", and fires out of a launcher on his back. It's forgettable and I didn't even take a picture of it.

Overall, Soundwave is a very nice toy. Not my favorite, and he has a few small issues, but he's a serviceable update of an old favorite, and I heartily recomend him to any fan. There will also be a store exclusive repaint in his G1 colors, but that will only be available in a tow pack with the first movie Voyager Megatron. Not really worth it if you ask me.